I ran across this article (with a video) on Facebook and it touched on some things that really get me annoyed at people. At the same time, I think that it also gives you some things to think about and consider about yourself, which is never easy. Watch it when you get the chance.
In the video, Mr. Lassiter talks about how he met someone who he felt an immediate connection to, but the other guy told him that he doesn't date black guys. He was also introduced to someone else who basically fetishized black guys and also encountered black people who said that he should not date someone who is not black. What I find a little astonishing is how astonishing he found it. Maybe I hear from the wrong people, but I have heard this sort of thing in all sorts of different type of people, not just the gay community (and I am not the most connected person in the world).
Everyone has preferences about who they do (or do not) find attractive based on what they think they want in a significant other. I have never understood why some people seem to have a lot of trouble grasping this concept. Very few people (if any) can honestly say that they are attracted to every single person around. Now, where I think Mr. Lassiter and others have a point is when they point out that these preferences can be formed by subtle, internalized factors (in this case racism). So in that very broad sense, I would agree that there is a certain element of racism, ageism, etc. involved in any preference like that.
That being said, I think that saying that preferences are racism is wrong because (to most people), racism carries with it the baggage of hate and preferences are not necessarily born out of hate. I know that I, for example, would not date most non-whites for a variety of reasons. Some of them are appearance based, others have to do with experiences I have had with people from different races. I will not deny that my attraction to a certain type of guy is heavily influenced by societal notions of what is beautiful and what is not. However I do have many friends who are not white and I am not prejudiced in a hateful sense. I do think this distinction is necessary in order to have an honest discussion about the subject.
What we do need to confront, as a society, is our notion related to certain types of physical beauty- a trait which is very pronounced in the gay community. I cannot tell you how many times I have been called a whale, seen personals where people say "no fats", or something similar to that. I do understand that there is a preference there, so I try very hard not to take it personally. My point is that these preferences are rarely personal and are generally based (as Mr. Lassiter notes) on stereotypes.
Mr. Lassiter also says that the gay community is basically hypocritical for calling for non-discrimination while discriminating itself. This is a notion that I reject. This is an idea based in the notion that only someone who does not commit a particular sin can call for an end to it. It is basically based on the idea of "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." The problem with this notion being taken this far is that no one would be able to protest anything. Everyone has issues that they are dealing with and while there may be a certain amount of hypocrisy involved, that does not mean that people should not be called out on their bull.
Everyone is the product of their experiences, and these experiences shape how we view the world and other people. For example, most of the black guys (and girls) I first met were in middle school (I went to a small, mostly white private elementary school) and they bullied me big time. That has made me very reluctant to date someone who is black because of the way I was treated. Is that fair? No, but those experiences shaped how I viewed black people for a long time. I have worked (and am working) very hard to overcome those views and it has not been easy. Couple experiences with the societal notions of physical beauty and I think that preferences are understandable.
I do want to note that I am not saying that NO preferences are racist, ageist, etc., but the presence of preferences does not automatically indicate this sort of thing. There are people out there who do believe that miscegenation is wrong. There is someone I know who saw two characters (of different races) on a tv show dating and said that people of different races should never date. Also, see Mr. Lassiter's black friends he references in the videos.
I guess what I am trying to say is that while we do need to confront the more subtle causes of racism, ageism, sexism, etc., to automatically label someone as a racist (with its attendant baggage) because they have preferences is a horribly bad idea. Just some food for thought.
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