If you've read my poem "Words" or one of my several posts on the subject, you know that I care a great deal about what words that people use and how those words are used. I really want to focus right now on how often we, as a culture, use words relating to females as put downs, particularly where men are concerned.
Think about it. How often have you heard one of these phrases: "sounds like a girl.", "screamed like a girl.", "ran like a girl.", "looks like a girl.", or something similar? I'm sure you hear them so often that they don't even really make an impact on you anymore. I was surprised the other day when I realized how often even I use phrases like these. While I am not trying to be insulting to women, I am. After all, each of these phrases indicates someone doing something in a way that is "unmanly" or wrong, therefore meaning that there is something about being a female that makes you worth less than a male.
The major problem is that our society is severely patriarchal and values things that men do over things that women do. Doubt me? Ask yourself why we, as a society, value people who work outside of the home in a "real job" more than we do stay-at-home parents. If a dad is a stay-at-home dad, people look at him as being weak or deficient somehow. Even the phrase, "Who wears the pants in the house?" assumes that the real power in a household is the person who wears the pants. Since pants are "men's" clothing, the implication is obvious. If you are a sensitive male, you will hear that you need to "toughen up", "stop being a wuss", or something similar to that. If there is a male singer who has a higher voice, they are put down because they "sound like a girl." If a male looks at all effeminate, they are the target of harassment because they "look like a girl." I could keep going in this vein, but I'll stop there.
You can look all around to find issues where we hold things that are "masculine" to be valued more highly than things that are "feminine". Whether it is someone's job, appearance, voice, or anything else, our society has chosen to place a higher premium on things that are related to men than things that are related to women. Unless, of course, you are talking about objectification in which case, the objectification of women is much more highly prized because that is what our heteronormative, patriarchal society wants.
What can you do? Well, first off, pay attention to what you say. If you catch yourself comparing someone to a particular group as a put down, stop yourself. The act of saying that denigrates a whole group of people and merely perpetuates a cycle where certain people are valued more highly than others. Second, if you catch someone else doing it; and it is safe to do so; gently ask them not to do it. If they make fun of you for standing up for other people, know that they are the lesser person because they need to put others down to build themselves up. The only way this will change is if we can demonstrate to people that what they are doing is truly hurtful and wrong. There will, of course, be resistance. After all, there are many people who do things because "everyone else does it", because "that's the way its always been done", or some equally asinine reason. Changing attitudes and ways of thinking requires a lot of effort and time. But ultimately, it will always be worth it.
Monday, November 24, 2014
Friday, November 21, 2014
On Billy Gilman's coming out video
In case you missed it yesterday, Billy Gilman came out yesterday in a YouTube video. If you haven't seen it yet, I encourage you to go view it and hear what he has to say. In its own way, the video is absolutely heartbreaking because of some of what he has to say about why he took a while to come out. And given some of the comments I have seen on websites which have run this news, I cannot say I am surprised at his fear.
In his video, he says that part of the reason he didn't come out was because he felt that country music was a hard genre to be an openly gay artist in and because country music would be ashamed of him. Apparently there were some rumours about his sexuality and when he had some new music to release, no major labels would come to him, despite the fact that he had 2 albums certified gold by the time he was 13 and sold over 5 million albums. While this may not have all been because of the rumours, it is hard not to think that they played a major part in what happened. He also said that he had a showcase and no major albums showed up. As I said just above, this may be due to other reasons, but given how people are about rumours in general, it is hard to imagine that they had nothing to do with the labels not showing up.
While society has come a long way in the past few years where it comes to accepting people who are LGBT, there is still a lot of work to be done. Why should anyone have to hide who they are from the world because they are afraid of how people will react? People who say that people should not have to come out are right, only thing is most of them are right for the wrong reasons. A lot of them say that people shouldn't be sharing who they are sleeping with or something like that. As I said in an earlier post, that is not what coming out is about. Coming out is about telling the world who you are and being honest. I look forward to the day when people don't need to come out, but will be accepted as who they are. Sadly, we are not there yet, so it is important to hear the stories of people like Billy Gilman or anyone else who comes out in order to become more aware of the issues surrounding people who come out.
How do I know we're not there yet? Just look at some of the comments on pages with news about Billy's coming out. One commenter called him a "snaggle toothed mongoloid" and another set up a dueling set of dialogues about Billy Gilman's team and Ty Herndon's team both rushing to come out first. It may not sound bad, but when you read it, you will see it is written in a highly derogatory tone. And those were the nicest of the bad comments. It's just sad and pathetic that people still have this sort of reaction to someone coming out and telling the world who they actually are.
It takes a lot of courage for anyone to come out, but it takes a lot more to come out as a celebrity- particularly one in country music which tends to have a particularly reactionary fan base. I do want to emphasize that I am not saying all country music fans are homophobic twats, but as a whole, the fanbase and genre are not the most progressive. Doubt it, read this article with some of country singer Kenny Chesney's thoughts on how country music views women. And yes, I am well aware to other musical genres objectify women as well, but that is a topic for another post.
Mr. Gilman, congratulations on coming out and I hope that you and your partner have a long and happy life together. I have been a fan since your first album and will continue to remain one.
In his video, he says that part of the reason he didn't come out was because he felt that country music was a hard genre to be an openly gay artist in and because country music would be ashamed of him. Apparently there were some rumours about his sexuality and when he had some new music to release, no major labels would come to him, despite the fact that he had 2 albums certified gold by the time he was 13 and sold over 5 million albums. While this may not have all been because of the rumours, it is hard not to think that they played a major part in what happened. He also said that he had a showcase and no major albums showed up. As I said just above, this may be due to other reasons, but given how people are about rumours in general, it is hard to imagine that they had nothing to do with the labels not showing up.
While society has come a long way in the past few years where it comes to accepting people who are LGBT, there is still a lot of work to be done. Why should anyone have to hide who they are from the world because they are afraid of how people will react? People who say that people should not have to come out are right, only thing is most of them are right for the wrong reasons. A lot of them say that people shouldn't be sharing who they are sleeping with or something like that. As I said in an earlier post, that is not what coming out is about. Coming out is about telling the world who you are and being honest. I look forward to the day when people don't need to come out, but will be accepted as who they are. Sadly, we are not there yet, so it is important to hear the stories of people like Billy Gilman or anyone else who comes out in order to become more aware of the issues surrounding people who come out.
How do I know we're not there yet? Just look at some of the comments on pages with news about Billy's coming out. One commenter called him a "snaggle toothed mongoloid" and another set up a dueling set of dialogues about Billy Gilman's team and Ty Herndon's team both rushing to come out first. It may not sound bad, but when you read it, you will see it is written in a highly derogatory tone. And those were the nicest of the bad comments. It's just sad and pathetic that people still have this sort of reaction to someone coming out and telling the world who they actually are.
It takes a lot of courage for anyone to come out, but it takes a lot more to come out as a celebrity- particularly one in country music which tends to have a particularly reactionary fan base. I do want to emphasize that I am not saying all country music fans are homophobic twats, but as a whole, the fanbase and genre are not the most progressive. Doubt it, read this article with some of country singer Kenny Chesney's thoughts on how country music views women. And yes, I am well aware to other musical genres objectify women as well, but that is a topic for another post.
Mr. Gilman, congratulations on coming out and I hope that you and your partner have a long and happy life together. I have been a fan since your first album and will continue to remain one.
Wednesday, November 12, 2014
Sermon from Ash Wednesday 2006
On Ash Wednesday 2006, when I was teaching at my first school, my class was assigned to run the Prayer Service, and I decided to give the sermon myself. I wanted to share what I said then because it is a good summary of a lot of what I believe.
I do want to say that my knowledge of these Greek comes from some books by Dr. Peter Kreeft, a professor of philosophy at Boston University and The King's College. Any misspellings are my fault, but the meanings came from him.
---------------------------
Today we are gathered here in church to celebrate Ash Wednesday. For those of you who do not know, Ash Wednesday is the first day of the season of Lent. Lent is the time that we use to prepare ourselves to remember the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Lent is a very special time of year. It is a time which contains things that seem to make no sense together, but really do belong together. In Lent, we should feel sorrow that Jesus had to die on the cross for us, but we should be happy that he did so, because now we can enter heaven. The saddest day of the year; the day on which we remember Jesus dying; we call Good Friday. But, what is “good” about it? What is good is that when Jesus died, he opened the gates of heaven, allowing us to live with God.
During Lent, we are asked to give up something that we value, whether it is drinking sodas, eating dessert, or playing video games in order to show that we want to; in some small way; imitate Jesus, who gave up His life for us.
Lent also shows us in a very special way the love that God has for everyone. After all, didn’t God send down His Son, the person He loved most in the entire world, to die for us? And not just to die any death, but to die that most painful and humiliating death that existed. In John Chapter 15: 9-13 it says, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Love is what God is all about. Love is what Lent is all about. In Greek, there are three words that mean love: eros, philia, and agape. Eros is the love that might be expressed between a husband and wife, or people who are dating. Philia is a love that would exist between family members. Agape, however, is what is known as transcendent love. Agape is a love that gives to others until it has nothing left, and then gives just a little more. Agape is a love that would give of itself and might be demonstrated by someone who would save the life of another without regard for their own. Agape is the type of love that God has for all of us. A perfect love, a love that is not at all dependent on what we do, but simply exists because God chooses to let it exist.
Agape is the love that we must try to attain. During Lent, we need to look at our actions and our thoughts and ask ourselves if what we think, say, or do is loving. If it is not, then we need to ask for God’s forgiveness. For every act that we commit which is sinful, we are told that it is like Jesus is nailed to the cross again.
Today, as we come forward to receive ashes on our foreheads, we will be singing a song. The words are in Latin. They are: “Ubi Caritas et Amor, Ubi Caritas Deus Ibi Est.” They mean: “Where there is charity and love, where there is charity, there is God.” Caritas means “charity” and can also mean “love”. It has the same meaning as agape. Like agape, it is a love that gives of itself endlessly. This song reminds us of Matthew 18:20 in which Jesus says, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Love is for everyone at all times. The one most consistent theme of the Bible is that of love. When Jesus is asked to name the greatest commandment in Matthew 22, he says that there are two: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." In his First Letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul tells us that:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not
love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If
I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and
all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the
poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love,
I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is
knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we
prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect
disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought
like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put
childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in
a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I
shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest
of these is love.
As you go through Lent, keep a few things in mind.
[1] Ask God to forgive you for the times that you have been mean and not loving to those around you. Ask Him for help and grace to become more like Him and to become more perfect in your love.
[2] Thank God for sending Jesus into the world to die for us. He did not have to, and His doing so demonstrates for us very clearly just how much God loves us.
[3] Keep these days between now and Easter holy. Pray unceasingly. Ask for God’s help for yourself and for others, especially those who you may not get along with.
Ash Wednesday is the day in which we prepare for Lent, which in turn prepares us for Jesus’ death and resurrection. When you come up to receive ashes today, let them be not just a sign on the outside of the coming of Lent, but allow them to enter into you and change you from the inside to become a more holy and loving person.
I do want to say that my knowledge of these Greek comes from some books by Dr. Peter Kreeft, a professor of philosophy at Boston University and The King's College. Any misspellings are my fault, but the meanings came from him.
---------------------------
Today we are gathered here in church to celebrate Ash Wednesday. For those of you who do not know, Ash Wednesday is the first day of the season of Lent. Lent is the time that we use to prepare ourselves to remember the death and resurrection of Jesus.
Lent is a very special time of year. It is a time which contains things that seem to make no sense together, but really do belong together. In Lent, we should feel sorrow that Jesus had to die on the cross for us, but we should be happy that he did so, because now we can enter heaven. The saddest day of the year; the day on which we remember Jesus dying; we call Good Friday. But, what is “good” about it? What is good is that when Jesus died, he opened the gates of heaven, allowing us to live with God.
During Lent, we are asked to give up something that we value, whether it is drinking sodas, eating dessert, or playing video games in order to show that we want to; in some small way; imitate Jesus, who gave up His life for us.
Lent also shows us in a very special way the love that God has for everyone. After all, didn’t God send down His Son, the person He loved most in the entire world, to die for us? And not just to die any death, but to die that most painful and humiliating death that existed. In John Chapter 15: 9-13 it says, "As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you obey my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have obeyed my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” Love is what God is all about. Love is what Lent is all about. In Greek, there are three words that mean love: eros, philia, and agape. Eros is the love that might be expressed between a husband and wife, or people who are dating. Philia is a love that would exist between family members. Agape, however, is what is known as transcendent love. Agape is a love that gives to others until it has nothing left, and then gives just a little more. Agape is a love that would give of itself and might be demonstrated by someone who would save the life of another without regard for their own. Agape is the type of love that God has for all of us. A perfect love, a love that is not at all dependent on what we do, but simply exists because God chooses to let it exist.
Agape is the love that we must try to attain. During Lent, we need to look at our actions and our thoughts and ask ourselves if what we think, say, or do is loving. If it is not, then we need to ask for God’s forgiveness. For every act that we commit which is sinful, we are told that it is like Jesus is nailed to the cross again.
Today, as we come forward to receive ashes on our foreheads, we will be singing a song. The words are in Latin. They are: “Ubi Caritas et Amor, Ubi Caritas Deus Ibi Est.” They mean: “Where there is charity and love, where there is charity, there is God.” Caritas means “charity” and can also mean “love”. It has the same meaning as agape. Like agape, it is a love that gives of itself endlessly. This song reminds us of Matthew 18:20 in which Jesus says, “For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Love is for everyone at all times. The one most consistent theme of the Bible is that of love. When Jesus is asked to name the greatest commandment in Matthew 22, he says that there are two: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments." In his First Letter to the Corinthians, St. Paul tells us that:
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not
love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If
I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and
all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains,
but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the
poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love,
I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast,
it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not
easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease;
where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is
knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we
prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect
disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought
like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put
childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in
a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I
shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest
of these is love.
As you go through Lent, keep a few things in mind.
[1] Ask God to forgive you for the times that you have been mean and not loving to those around you. Ask Him for help and grace to become more like Him and to become more perfect in your love.
[2] Thank God for sending Jesus into the world to die for us. He did not have to, and His doing so demonstrates for us very clearly just how much God loves us.
[3] Keep these days between now and Easter holy. Pray unceasingly. Ask for God’s help for yourself and for others, especially those who you may not get along with.
Ash Wednesday is the day in which we prepare for Lent, which in turn prepares us for Jesus’ death and resurrection. When you come up to receive ashes today, let them be not just a sign on the outside of the coming of Lent, but allow them to enter into you and change you from the inside to become a more holy and loving person.
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